Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
