and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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