sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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