3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
