so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
