I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
