You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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