cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm too high and old for this...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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