I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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