Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
