Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
