we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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