You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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