I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
