oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
