i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
