Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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