I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
