Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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