Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
