OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
