I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
