his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
