you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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