I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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