you guys were way drunker than both of me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
