i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Fuck appropriateness.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Randomize
