Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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