My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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