I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
