My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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