I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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