I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
