apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
