So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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