i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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