Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
