everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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