FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
