if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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