I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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