The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
