Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
