hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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