none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
