You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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