So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
