I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
