Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
