he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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