I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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